Can I Save My Marriage?
Written by: Steve Knight
Can My Marriage Be Saved?
Unfortunately many people, both men and women, are asking themselves the very same question right now. Can I really save my marriage, or am I destined for divorce? It's a question that's asked every day of marriage therapists and counselors all over the world, and one that is definitely worth some real scrutiny.
A Trained Therapist Can Help You Determine if Your Marriage Can Be Saved
When one spouse individually seeks professional marital counseling with the plaintive cry of "Can you help me save my marriage?" most often times they are there because in many cases, one party wants desperately to save the marriage, while the other does not. In fact, often times the more one pushes one way, the hard the other pushes back in the other direction. In this situation, a trained therapist and couples counseling is the best way to determine if this relationship has a chance at being saved or not.
Benefiting from Marriage Counseling Even When Only One Spouse Attends
If one spouse adamantly rebukes the idea of therapy and refuses to participate, many times the other spouse will still benefit from individual counseling, regardless if the marriage is actually over. Divorce counseling may give one the courage to cope with the unwanted end of a relationship through professional guidance, and an unbiased opinion, although the divorce route should only be taken as the absolute last resort.
Children, Marriage, and Divorce
Another question often asked of therapists is "Should I only try to save my marriage because there are children involved?" This common mistake is often made as most people have many misconceptions and preconceived notions regarding children, marriage, and divorce.
There Are Countless Instances Where Couples Don't Try Hard Enough
While in some cases, the children are in fact far better off if their parents do live apart, putting an end to the fighting and tension that tends to take over their lives, there are countless instances where couples simply don't try hard enough to salvage the relationship and succumb to divorce, never giving it the chance it deserves.
Infidelity
Perhaps the most predictable thing that follows the question as to whether or not a marriage can be saved are tales of infidelity, which is undoubtedly the most difficult obstacle to overcome in a relationship, especially one that's been bonded together by the vows of matrimony.
Reasons NOT to Save Your Marriage
Repeated mistakes, ongoing affairs and an obvious disregard for their spouse, themselves, their health, their family, and the emotional well-being of everyone involved, are most always reasons to NOT save your marriage. In all actuality, you probably owe it to yourself to move on with your life rather than stay with someone who so blatantly cares about their own selfish needs.
Marital Seperations
If you find yourself repeatedly asking the question "Should I try save my marriage?" it's time to take action one way or another, take control over the situation as well as your own life. Many times, a trial separation is the best solution for saving a failing marriage.
Some guidelines for marital separations include setting a definitive length of time for the separation, mutually agreeing not to see other people, attending counseling if possible, and making a real effort to change behavior that may be sabotaging the marriage.
Try to remember how you felt the day you exchanged your vows, always keep that feeling close to your heart, refer to it as often as possible, and give your marriage the chance it deserves.
