Marriage Separation: A good idea, or the final step before divorce?
Written by: Steve Knight
A Lot of Couples Are Faced with the Decision of Marriage Seperation
Countless couples are faced with the decision of marriage separation, and nearly all of them will wonder if it be the one thing needed to finally change things for the better, or if will it be the inevitable end to marital discord.
Marriage Counselors Agree that Seperation Can Save a Relationship
Most experienced marriage counselors agree, that yes, in many cases marriage separation definitely can save a relationship that's on the brink of divorce. However, for the best chance of success, the separation must be a mutual understanding, an agreement that's made together, rather than an unplanned or surprise decision by one partner.
Unplanned Seperations Leaves Unanswered Questions
In the instance of an unplanned separation, such as when one person unexpectedly moves out of the home after an argument, the person who has been left is filled with unanswered questions, hurt feelings, and a wide range of other emotions. Without any prior warning, there are no chances for talking about seeking couples therapy, or guidelines regarding seeing other people, or even an agreed upon timeline for the separation.
Seperations Are Usually the Best Choice When One Spouse is Abusive
In some cases, one partner is abusive in some way, creating an intolerable situation, leaving the other spouse with no choice but to leave the relationship. In these situations, a marriage separation is usually the best thing for everyone, particularly if there are children involved. Most couples realize that bickering and fighting in front of the kids potentially does long-term damage, lending real truth to the statement that children would rather come from a broken home than have to live in one.
Temporary Marriage Seperation
By agreeing to a temporary marriage separation, couples have the much needed time to think about their problems, reflect on their relationship, analyze their own past mistakes, and in general, have the chance to take a short break from one another. It's also the perfect time to take responsibility for your previous actions, as well as making a conscious effort to change destructive behavior that may be contributing to the breakdown of your marriage.
Of course, every couple and their problems are different, so there's no absolute guarantee that a marriage separation will in fact save the relationship, however, it is worth the effort to exhaust all options before making the final decision of divorce.
If you are actively thinking about a marriage separation in the attempt to mend the relationship, the following tips should help you come to a definite decision:
- Open up the lines of communication with your spouse and be honest when explaining your feelings. Ask your partner what a separation means to them, and find out if both of you have the same expectations and goals.
- Couples in mutual separations that are the most successful, meaning those that lead to a reconciliation, are those who agree to not date other people during their time apart. Leaving other people and jealousy out of the mix heightens the chance of getting back together for good. However, dating each other may actually be a good way to rediscover one another, and bring back that spark you once both shared.
- Agree upon a set time period for the separation, such as one, two, or three months. A week or two often isn't long enough to resolve all of the issues at hand before expecting a successful reunion. At the end of that set time, you both need to reassess the situation and determine if you're able to make things work, or if one or both of you need more time apart.
- If possible, agree to counseling, preferably joint counseling where you both have the chance to discuss your feelings openly and honestly.
