The Benefits of Using Marriage Builders
Written by: Steve Knight
Mariage Builders are Techniques for Rebuilding the Foundation of Your Marriage
It's no surprise that the great majority of married couples never even realize how they are slowly eroding away the foundation of their marriage, until it's too late. Marriage builders are exercises and techniques for rebuilding that foundation, making it stronger than ever, and reunifying the solid bond of matrimony.
Some Marriage Builders Involve Questionaire Forms
When seeking professional counsel or advice, some marriage builders involve a collection of questionnaires and evaluation forms that the therapist or counselor will use to assess both parties commitment and inner thoughts regarding the relationship.
Many Churches Offer Marriage Builders in Some Form
Numerous churches and religious organization have marriage builders in the form of seminars, retreats, workshops, and individual or group counseling sessions as a regular part of their services to their communities. Also, several local or state government offices have guidebooks and helpful information, including marriage builders, as well as resources outlining where to seek more help. Often times, all of these avenues are either free or at low-cost.
A Failed Marriage Affects More than You and Your Spouse
What many people fail to realize is that failed marriages don't just affect them and their close circle of friends and family, as divorce has cultural, moral, and monetary implications that trickle down all throughout society. The higher the divorce rates soar, the more discouraged people get, reluctant to even consider marriage, and feeling powerless to save a failing one.
Here are some of the most common and successful marriage builders that have long been promoted by many therapists and counselors:
Hearing Not Just Listening
We often make the grave mistake of simply listening to our spouse, never really actually hearing what they're saying. In some cases, over time, there's less and less to hear as couples stop talking altogether as they've simply drifted apart due to a lack of communication over the years.
When speaking with our spouse, we must make a conscious effort to ensure that the messages we're sending are an accurate representation of our true feelings. This means using clear, easy to understand, non-conflicting words, as well as being mindful of our facial expressions, and our body language at the same time.
Learning to Honor and Value Your Spouse
Even if you and your spouse have conflicting opinions about something, make a conscious effort to honor and value their point of view, their thoughts, and also their interests.
Learning to Treat Each Other With Respect
Consider how you speak to strangers, your parents, or your boss, or children. Compare that with how you speak to your spouse and note any differences. Do you use the same common courtesies or basic politeness that's expected of all us? Or are you rude, impatient, or condescending?
Practicing the Art of Apologizing
Apologizing can become rather trite if it's used as the means to do what you want, and then merely say you are sorry afterward as repentance. If insincere, apologies are usually visibly transparent and cause the other person to then always question your sincerity. To achieve forgiveness, we must be heartfelt in our admittance of wrongdoing, make it a point not to repeat the same behavior, and truly understand the implications of our actions.
Learning the Art of Forgiveness
Forgiving someone for past sins means more than accepting an apology or acknowledging that they are sorry. It involves feeling that forgiveness in your heart, allowing yourself to get over the past, concentrate on the here and now, and look forward to the future. Unresolved hurt feelings will eventually fester over time and eat away at the very core of a relationship unless they are cast aside by true forgiveness.
