good marriage communication

The Importance of Communication in Marriage

Written by: Steve Knight

Communication in Marriage is a Vital Aspect of a Healthy Union
Effective communication in marriage and personal relationships is an often overlooked, but rather vital aspect of any healthy union. While upon first thought, communicating with others may seem like a natural and uncomplicated act that requires little, if any, special skills. However, communication isn't merely speaking and sending a message to someone, it also involves many variables such as tone, inflection, body language, and of course, interpretation and response from the other person.

The first important thing to remember about communication in marriage is to consistently use "I" statements as opposed to starting out a sentence with the word "You." While this may sounds like a simple change to make that might not make a whole lot of difference, as any therapist knows, "You" statements tend to sounds accusatory, causing the other spouse to feel defensive.

With some people, hearing "You always" or "You never" causes them to actually block out what's being said as they are instead focusing on defending themselves from the seemingly accusatory statements that are being made. However, when beginning a sentence with "I" or "I think," or "I feel," it's all about you and your feelings, instead of placing blame, whether real or perceived, on the other person.

Continued Misunderstandings Lead to a Break Down in Communication
In some cases, communication in marriage begins to break down simply due to a lack of continuing misunderstandings along with a multitude of mixed messages. Many people make the mistake of assuming that they know what their partner is trying to say or how they feel, when in all actuality, they have no idea. The next time you're in a discussion with your spouse, try rephrasing what they say in the form of a question to see whether or not you are correct. Clarification is key as silent assumptions usually will lead to both parties feeling hurt or upset, and unable to resolve any of their differences.

Both Spouses Must be Committed to Good Communication
To achieve true communication in marriage, both spouses must make a commitment to say what they mean, and mean what they say. Many people, often without being aware, make a statement that says one thing, while their facial expression says the exact opposite, leaving the other partner to decide which one to react to, and which one is more accurate, thus losing sight of the real matters at hand.

Never Discuss Important Issues While You are Angry or Upset
Yet another important thing to remember for healthy communication in marriage is to never discuss anything of importance when either one of you is angry, upset, or feeling tense. If both people are in a relaxed state, they're better able to get their feelings across without sounding accusatory or placing blame. During an argument, take a few minutes to calm down, calling a "time out" if necessary to allow initial feelings of anger to dissipate before communicating with your partner. Agree on a time to reconvene after you've both had a chance to evaluate your thoughts, and get yourself out of that defensive, angry mode.

Importance of Communication in Marriage is Immeasurable
The importance of communication in marriage is immeasurable as it often is a determining factor of whether or not a couple will stay together. However, communicating with your spouse really doesn't have to be difficult, simply remember to take into consideration how the other person might feel, how they're responding to what you're saying, and also remember to think before you react to their statements and feelings.


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